Human - your Stationary Rover Reporter. . .


Greetings, salutations and other printed matter of welcome! Hello there once again, this is Human, your stationary "rover" reporter barking at you about those cute little harmonious poems that our mothers would squeak to us, The Mother Schnauz Whelping Rhymes. I remember when Mom would let us have a full tummy of milk and she cleaned us up and we would all snuggle together, and keep each other warm. She cared for us, she was an outstanding Mom, even greater than that famous Chinese emperor Genghis Kom. Well I dug out the old dog eared book, pawed through it, and came up with some of my favorite ones; here they are.

Little miss poodle
Played with a noodle
And scratched an itchy flea
Along came a house fly
That flew by her left eye
And landed on top of her Knee.

Little Jack Russell, barked up a hustle
Eating his evening slop
He licked out his bowl
Then ate a small mole
And lifted his leg on a mop.

Dandie Dinmont puppy, my bud Jake
Went to group for his owner's sake
One ear real and the other one fake
Dandie Dinmont puppy, my bud Jake

Watch hound dogs piddle
On the cat in the middle
The Pug went back to his game
The min pin laughed
To see the dork
And the Kuv snuggled up to the Dane

Piddle piddle little Pap
Smaller than a big mouse trap
Down upon the ground so low
Chewing up a GI Joe

Newf be humble
Newf be snug
Newf he piddled
On the bright cleaned rug

Mary had a chocolate lab
Who loved to eat red meat
And every show where Mary went
The lab was hard to beat.
She took it into group one day
But had not groomed on it
'Twas quite ugly, all would say
And Mary had a royal fit.

Rott the nice puppy
In the show ring
When the judge points
The owner will sing
When they point last
Their bubble will bust
And down comes the ego
Into the dust.

Scottie, Scottie bourbon drinker
Drank too much and began to tinker
Tinkered with electric wires
Now barking at angelic choirs

Baa Baa Black lab, have you any points
Yes sir, yes sir, three points now
One by my handler, one by the help
And one by the owner that feeds me ocean kelp.

Ring steward Bob, come back to the ring
The Dobe's chewed a floor mat, the Kom's on a chair
But where's the stuart that looks after the group
He is under a trailer, and spilled his soup.
Will you clean him, Oh, that Bob
I dare not try, he's such a slob.

There was a barking Chow, and he barked a little while,
He found a smelly fence post where he left a smelly pile
He ate a tasty bone and then a tasty treat
He did it every day on the east side of the street.

Three Greyhounds, three Greyhounds, see how they show
They all ran around the square show ring
It collapsed on the floor with an awful ping
Did you ever see such a stupid thing
As three Greyhounds.


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